THE JOY OF DYING

THE JOY OF DYING

It is human nature to fear death but is it the hereafter we fear most or the method of death? As a Christian, it is the method I fear. I look forward to the hereafter. We Christians are promised eternal life, no more pain, no sorrow, no sickness, a new and perfect body, riches beyond comprehension, a mansion, beauty all around, and singing angels. I might even be able to sing too, unlike now. Our work on earth will be done and we will have eternal peace. We will see loved ones gone on before and we will finally get to meet Jesus, the one who made all of this possible. There will be no crime, complete trust, no anger, no violence, no sin, period. No one will bully us, intimidate us or make us feel small. Our feelings will never be hurt. Don't cry any tears for me when I die. I can hardly wait.

The subject of dying has always fascinated me. Why cry when someone has gone on to heaven? That is the goal. That is the happiest day of life though it is the last day of life on earth. As long as the person had a relationship with Jesus, there is no need to fear death or  feel sorry for the deceased one. It is human nature to feel sorry for ourselves at a time like that. The ones left behind will miss the one who has departed this life. They will miss their goodness, the stability drawn from that person, their humor, their wisdom, their affection, etc. And so we cry.

Some may feel guilt that they didn’t spend more time with the loved one or that they wronged that person in some way. Others may grieve the “What ifs,” thinking that there may have been some way they or someone else could have prevented the death. Still others wish they could have said "Good-bye" or "I love you." But the Christian making the transition from this life to the eternal one will be living in heavenly bliss, euphoria, while those left behind may be beating themselves up unnecessarily. A lesson could be learned from those feelings, though. Spend more time with the family, say "I love you" daily, and don't say words you will regret.

God has control over when we die. He doesn't kill us but He allows it. It is His choice. We don't have that kind of power. 

• Job 7:1 - Is there not an appointed time to man upon earth? 
• Job 1:21 - "The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord" 
• Job 14:5 - A person’s days are determined; you have decreed the number of his months
  and have set limits he cannot exceed.
• Psalm 139:16 - Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. *
• Isaiah 49:1 - Listen to me, you islands; hear this, you distant nations: Before I was born the Lord called me; from my mother’s womb he has spoken my name.

The idea of funerals being a celebration is catching on. It is a great time to share memories and photos and to fellowship with friends and family that we don’t see often enough. After my own mother’s funeral, several people mentioned that it was the funnest funeral they had ever attended. Mom always had a positive attitude toward life. She didn’t dwell on the negative or look for fault or even gripe. She was very witty, she sang, she played the piano by ear, she danced while Dad strummed on the bottom of a skillet, or she danced just for fun with her six daughters. She fished, and she enjoyed spending time with her family, individually and collectively. She loved her church family too. So we felt it was appropriate to incorporate some of those aspects of her life into the funeral. 

We adored our mother but we were ready to let her go. She had endured 13 years of Alzheimer’s though she didn’t want to have it a day since she watched her own mother die of the same disease. There came a time when we had to quit praying that she would somehow recover, and we changed our prayers to each asking God to take her to be with Him, to take away her misery, and to give her a new, perfect body. Heaven was waiting yet we selfishly wanted to keep her with us.

I had a friend who was dying of cancer. He was on hospice but was not dying as quickly as he would've liked. He wanted people to pray that he would go quickly because he was ready. He commented that every time he almost got to heaven, people would start praying for him to get well and he would get dragged back to earth again. There is humor in that but there may be some truth in it too. Prayer is powerful. But when all is said and done, it is still God’s will when we die. It doesn’t happen without His knowledge and permission.

Another friend of mine was told she had terminal cancer. She came in a store where I was one day. Her daughter was with her. We talked about her situation and she voiced that she was in a win-win situation. If she gets to stay with her family, great. If she goes to heaven, even greater. She was a devoted Christian. Her daughter was naturally unhappy about losing her mother. Her mother had a wonderful perspective about impending death, though.

This joy and this hope for everything that has been promised in God's Word is not possible without a relationship with Jesus Christ. He is the only way to heaven. Acts 4:12 says: "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." He came that we might have abundant joy. II Corinthians 4:17-18 says: "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." *

If the deceased refused Jesus, then we have cause to mourn for that person. The living who  refuse Christ need to be finding out what a relationship with Him is all about. They won't be disappointed. Life on earth will be better and eternal life in heaven with Him is promised. They too can anticipate the day of their death with joy. 

--Becky Wall

*My favorite of these verses.

beckyowall.blogspot.com

key words: #joyindeath #fearofdeath #preparedforheaven #earthisnotourhome #everyonedies #nofearofdying

ZIP YOUR LIPS

ZIP YOUR LIPS

                

The tongue is a powerful instrument. I have seen it make beautiful women ugly and ugly women beautiful. I have seen it build up, and I have seen it destroy. I have been built up, and I have been destroyed by its action. There is a saying that goes, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." There is no truth to that saying. Words can hurt much more than sticks and stones and they usually cause longer-lasting injuries. Following are verses from the Old and New Testaments warning us to zip our lips or tame our tongues.

Ex. 20:7 - ""You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name."

Ex. 20:16 - "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor."

Ex. 23:8 - Do not accept a bribe, for a bribe blinds those who see and twists the words of the righteous.

Lev. 19:16 - Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor's life. I am the LORD.

Num 30:2 - When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said.

Deut. 23:21-23 - If you make a vow to the LORD your God, do not be slow to pay it, for the LORD your God will certainly demand it of you and you will be guilty of sin.  But if you refrain from making a vow, you will not be guilty.  Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the LORD your God with your own mouth.

Job 29:22-23 - "After I had spoken, they spoke no more; my words fell gently on their ears.  They waited for me as for showers and drank in my words as the spring rain.

Job 34:2-3 - Hear my words, you wise men; listen to me, you men of learning.  For the ear tests words as the tongue tastes food.

Job 38:1-2 - Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said:  "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?

Ps. 5:3-4: - For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword.

Ps. 5:8-9 - Lead me, O LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies-- make straight your way before me.  Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit.

Ps. 10:4-7 - In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.  His ways are always prosperous; he is haughty and your laws are far from him; he sneers at all his enemies.  He says to himself, "Nothing will shake me; I'll always be happy and never have trouble."  His mouth is full of curses and lies and threats; trouble and evil are under his tongue.

Ps. 12:3-4 - May the LORD cut off all flattering lips and every boastful tongue that says, "We will triumph with our tongues; we own our lips --who is our master?

Ps. 19:14 - May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Ps. 34:13 - keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.

Ps. 36:3 - The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful; he has ceased to be wise and to do good."

Ps. 37:30 - The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks what is just.

Ps. 39:1b-2 - I said, 'I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence.'  But when I was silent and still, not even saying anything good, my anguish increased.

Ps. 50:16-17 - But to the wicked, God says: 'What right have you to recite my laws or take my covenant on your lips?  You hate my instruction and cast my words behind you.'

Ps. 52:4 - You love every harmful word, O you deceitful tongue!

Ps. 55:21 - His speech is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords.

Ps. 56:5 - All day long they twist my words; they are always plotting to harm me.

Ps. 59:12 - "For the sins of their mouths, for the words of their lips, let them be caught in their pride. For the curses and lies they utter,

Ps. 64:3 - "3  They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim their words like deadly arrows.

Ps. 94:4 - "They pour out arrogant words; all the evildoers are full of boasting.

Ps. 101:5 - "Whoever slanders his neighbor in secret, him will I put to silence; whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart, him will I not endure.

Ps. 120:2 - "Save me, O LORD, from lying lips and from deceitful tongues.

Ps. 140:3 - "They make their tongues as sharp as a serpent's; the poison of vipers is on their lips.

Ps. 141:3 - "Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.

Prov. 2:12-17 - "Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse,  who leave the straight paths to walk in dark ways, who delight in doing wrong and rejoice in the perverseness of evil, whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their ways.  It will save you also from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.

Prov. 4:24 - "Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

Prov. 6:16-19 - "There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him:  haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

Prov. 7:4-5 - "Say to wisdom, 'You are my sister,' and call understanding your kinsman; they will keep you from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words.

Prov. 7:21 - "With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk.

Prov. 8:12-13 - "I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion.  To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.

Prov. 10:11 - The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life.

Prov. 10:19 - "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.

Prov. 10:20 - "The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value.

Prov. 10:21 - "The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment.

Prov. 10:31 - "The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but a perverse tongue will be cut out.

Prov. 10:32 - "The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.

Prov. 11:12 - "A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.

Prov. 11:13 - "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.

Prov. 12:6 - "The words of the wicked lie in wait for blood, but the speech of the upright rescues them.

Prov, 12:14 - A man shall be satisfied with good by the fruit of his mouth.

Prov. 12:18 - "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. 

Prov. 12:19 - "Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment.

Prov. 12:22 - "The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.

Prov. 12:25 - "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

Prov. 13:3 - "He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.

Prov. 14:3 - A fool’s mouth lashes out with pride, but the lips of the wise protect them.

Prov. 15:2 - "The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.

Prov. 15:4 - The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit."

Prov. 15:23 - A man finds joy in giving an apt reply-- and how good is a timely word!

Prov. 16:21 - The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.

Prov. 16:23-24 - The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Prov. 16:27 - A scoundrel plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire.

Prov. 16:28 - A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends.

Prov. 17:4 - A wicked man listens to evil lips; a liar pays attention to a malicious tongue.

Prov. 17:7 - "Arrogant lips are unsuited to a fool--how much worse lying lips to a ruler!"

Prov. 17:20 - A man of perverse heart does not prosper; he whose tongue is deceitful falls into trouble.

Prov. 17:27 - A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.

Prov. 17:28 - "Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."

Prov. 18:7 - A fool's mouth is his undoing, and his lips are a snare to his soul.

Prov. 18:8 - The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts.

Prov. 18:13 - He who answers before listening-- that is his folly and his shame.

Prov. 18:21 - The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Prov. 19:1 - Better a poor man whose walk is blameless than a fool whose lips are perverse.

Prov. 20:15 - "Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel.

Prov. 20:19 - "A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much."

Prov. 21:23 - He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.

Prov. 23:9 - Do not speak to a fool, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words.

Prov. 25:15 - Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.

Prov. 25:23 - As a north wind brings rain, so a sly tongue brings angry looks.

Prov. 26:20 - Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.

Prov. 26:22 - The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's inmost parts.

Prov. 26:24 - A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit.

Prov. 26:25  Though his speech is charming, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart.

Prov. 26:28 - A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin.

Prov. 29:19 - A servant cannot be corrected by mere words; though he understands, he will not respond.

Eccl. 5:2-3 - Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.  As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words.

Eccl. 5:6-7 - Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, "My vow was a mistake." Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands?  "Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God.

Eccl. 6:11 - The more the words, the less the meaning, and how does that profit anyone?

Ecc. 9:17 - The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools.

Eccl. 10:12-14 - Words from a wise man's mouth are gracious, but a fool is consumed by his own lips.  At the beginning his words are folly; at the end they are wicked madness--and the fool multiplies words. No one knows what is coming-- who can tell him what will happen after him?

Eccl. 10:20 - Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird of the air may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say.

Jer. 15:19a - Therefore this is what the LORD says: 'If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman.

Micah 6:12 - Her rich men are violent; her people are liars and their tongues speak deceitfully.

NEW TESTAMENT:

Mt 5:33-35a, 37 - Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.'  But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool;..." "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

Mt 6:7 - "And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words."

Mt 12:34-35 - You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.  

Matt. 12:36-37 - But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.

Matthew 15:11 - What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.

Rom. 1:28 32- Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.  They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless.  Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

Rom. 3:13-14 - Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit.  The poison of vipers is on their lips. "Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.

Rom. 10:8-10 - But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the message concerning faith that we proclaim: If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.

I Cor. 2:1-3 - When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling.

I Cor. 13:4 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

I Cor. 14:9 - So it is with you. Unless you speak intelligible words with your tongue, how will anyone know what you are saying? You will just be speaking into the air.

I Cor 14:19 - But in the church I would rather speak five intelligible words to instruct others than ten thousand words in a tongue.

II Cor. 12:20 - For I am afraid that when I come I may not find you as I want you to be, and you may not find me as you want me to be. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, factions, slander, gossip, arrogance and disorder.

Eph. 4:15 - Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

Eph. 4:25 - Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body."

Eph. 4:29 - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Eph. 4:31 - Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

Eph. 5:4 - "Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.

Eph. 5:6-7 - Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them.

 Eph. 6:4 - Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Phil. 2:14 - Do everything without complaining or arguing...

Phil. 4:8 - Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Col. 3:8 - But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.

Col. 4:6 - Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

I Thess. 4:11-12 - Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

I Tim. 4:12 - Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

I Tim. 5:13 - Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.

I Tim. 6:3-5 - If anyone teaches false doctrines and does not agree to the sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, he is conceited and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions, and constant friction between men of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain.

II Tim. 2:14 - Keep reminding them of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.

II Tim. 2:24-26 - And the Lord's servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

II Tim. 3:1-5 - But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God--having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.

Titus 2:7-8 - In everything set them an example by doing what is good.  In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

James 1:26 - "If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless."

James 3:2-10 - We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check.  When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.  Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man,  but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

James 4:1 - What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?

James 4:11a - "rothers, do not slander one another.

I Pet. 2:1 - Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.

I Pet. 3:1 - Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives...

I Pet. 3:10 - For, Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.

I Pet. 4:11 - If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God.  If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever.

II Pet. 2:18-19 - For they mouth empty, boastful words and, by appealing to the lustful desires of sinful human nature, they entice people who are just escaping from those who live in error. They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity--for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him.

I Jn 3:18 - Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

Psalm 19:14 - Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. KJV

WELL SAID:

To speak kindly does not hurt the tongue.

Try to fix the mistake--never the blame.

A good listener is a silent flatterer.

Whenever you speak, your mind is on parade.

Talk is cheap, but you can't buy it back.

Gossip runs down more people than automobiles.

Those who think it permissible to tell white lies soon become color blind.

We have two ears and one mouth that we may listen the more and talk the less. 

I have one tongue, two ears, two eyes;

God created me that way.

So it must be, if I am wise,

I'll hear and see more than I'll say.

SO IT GOES...

Mrs. Brown:  "She told me that you told her the secret that I told you not to tell her!"

Mrs. Blue:  "That mean thing!  I told her not to tell you I told her."

Mrs. Brown:  "Well, don't tell her that I told you she told me."

POOR BUT RICH

POOR BUT RICH

My family did not have much money, but we were rich, nevertheless. We were not poor because my father was lazy. He worked long hours at hard jobs that were hazardous, physically demanding, and in all kinds of weather. For many years he received low pay. Low pay plus a large family often equals poor. God blessed us with other riches, though, that cannot be found in monetary things.

My parents had four small children, all girls, over a span of as many years. Even so, when the youngest (twins) were two years old, my parents were willing to take in my two young cousins, a boy and a girl, who had become homeless. They were the same ages as the two oldest of us siblings. A few years later, two more babies, a girl and boy, entered the family. They were two years apart. Mom and Dad were poor in cash, but rich in compassion and love.

We learned to have fun naturally and did not rely on the artificial fun that comes from things that money can buy, “canned fun,” or worldly activities. My mother played the piano by ear, so we would often sing church songs around the piano. She and “the twins” each had a great sense of humor, so there was much laughter in our house. They were also the best singers so would sing specials at church in harmony and with Mom playing the piano. We were creative in finding entertainment and adventure. Dad made our toys, which included stilts, a go kart, a marble game, cardboard sleds and kites. We were rich in fun days.

Though some treated us as if we were bad and looked down on us because we were poor, we were good people – Christian people. God showed His love for us when He carried us through several traumas and much adversity, including the suicide of dad's oldest sister, the mother of the two cousins that came to live with us. He sent his angels to protect us when we had a car wreck that involved all ten of us, and in which my mother’s shoulders were crushed when she and my baby brother were thrown from the car. That is a story in and of itself. Through all of our trials, God was our hope and our sustainer. We were rich in God’s love and care.

The poor are not to be despised. Christians are to look at no one from a worldly point of view (II Cor. 5:16). Our commission is to help the poor, including the fatherless, the widows, and the aliens who have no one to help them. Paul told Timothy in one of his letters to command those who have worldly riches “to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share” (I Timothy 6:18).

In order for Christians to share their greatest riches with the poor, we must first try to understand them. If one of you says to them, "Go in peace; keep warm and well fed, but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?" We must go where they go, do what they do, and feel what they feel. If we really want to make a difference in their lives, we will share the riches of our time, energy, and expertise. A hands-on visit is worth more to them than a handout, though occasional handouts relieve some of their stress. We can also point them in the right direction and offer them encouragement. Bear in mind, the poor can increase our "riches," too, for there is as much or more to learn from them as they do from us.

We can be confident that God can restore the poor. He has a special place in His heart for them. God chose those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom. He promised that to those who love him (James 2:5). To those who say, “I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing” He says, “realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked” (Rev. 3:17). So the question is, who is really rich and who is really poor?

--Becky L. Wall

beckyowall.blogspot.com

THE TERMINATOR AND THE TERMINATED

THE TERMINATOR AND THE TERMINATED

by Becky L. Wall

Firing an employee and being fired:

Since this article is Bible-based, I want to focus on the issue of firing employees of a church or church-related organization. Within these entities a great number of people, most of which are ministers, have been dismissed. The principles within scriptures outlined here also apply to other businesses and organizations.

Many of the people who were fired never emotionally (and sometimes financially) recover from this devastating experience. Being fired is one of the highest occurrences on the stress scale. Those doing the firing often agonize over how best to proceed. So, my intention for this Bible-based article is to educate those doing the firing, to help firees heal, and to help other church members determine the wrongs and rights of the situation.

Being Fired

Firing and being fired dates back to the church’s infancy. Mark, also known as John Mark, one of Jesus's followers and helpers, was fired by the Apostle Paul for not showing up in Pamphylia (Acts 15 37-38). Paul eventually came to appreciate Mark so much that he asked for him specifically at a later date. (II Timothy 4:11).

Everyone knows someone fired by the church, usually a preacher. The following statistics compiled for Christianity Today (Christianity Today.com April 16, 2006) reveal the high number of ministers who have been fired or forced out:

“7. During your ministry, have you ever been fired or forced to resign? Fired: 6 percent; forced out: 19 percent. (Since some had experienced both, the combined tally came to 22.8 percent; still nearly 1 in 4 pastors have been terminated.) We also asked ‘Who forced you out?’ and found the biggest single culprit was "a small faction’ of about 10 people.”

“8. [Of those forced out:] Was the church told why? 63 percent of the time, no.”

“9. [Of those forced out:] To your knowledge, had the church forced out other ministers in its past? 62 percent of respondents said yes, meaning that roughly 15 percent of 

Protestant congregations are, in writer Dave Goetz's term, ‘repeat-offender churches.’”

Being fired doesn’t affect just one person. There is damage on every level of the person’s being when fired, including emotional, physical, financial, employability, social and possibly spiritual. I will touch on each of these factors.

The Emotional Factor:The grief and sense of loss over the termination are so intense that it takes many months to be able to function at all. Yet the one fired is expected to find another job and perform well. The grief may be the same as from divorce and right behind death. The stress of it all will subsequently affect the health of the person who was fired. It also affects the family and sometimes the marriage.The person who was fired may have to give up his or her home, pull the children out of the school in which they are rooted and where their friends are, give up friends and familiar surroundings, and relocate. Relocating generates another set of stresses.

The Physical Factor:That employee may develop heart problems, high blood pressure, anxiety problems, depression, digestive ailments, etc. But the former employee will have no health insurance including for their spouse and children.

The Financial Factor:Financial loss includes the obvious loss of income, loss of health and dental insurance, loss of savings including savings for retirement while seeking new employment and possible loss of a home. A pastor will surely lose his home if the church provided a parsonage while he was employed.

Employability Factor:Being fired marks a person for every potential job. In every interview the question is asked, “Why did you leave your last job?” The application form may also ask, “Have you ever been fired or have you ever been asked to resign?” Both questions are asked to weed out those who present a risk. But the applicant may be completely capable of filling the position.Asking a worker to resign is a common practice. But if the worker tells a potential employer he resigned, the truth would eventually reveal itself and the person would be seen as deceitful at best and a liar at worst. Also, when a person has been fired from a church or church-related organization or business, potential employers may think the fired person must have done something really terrible for a church to fire him or her, such as steal tithes or have an affair with a church member or leader. The potential employers would expect a church or church-related organization to bend over backwards to try to work with a person.

The Social Factor: Many people treat a person who has been fired much like they treat a divorcee. Some don’t know where to place fault, so they wonder whether to offer an arm around the worker's shoulder to comfort the firee or to give that person a dirty look. Other people do not know what to say so they shun the person. The firee also shuns people because of possible embarrassment. A formerly employed person might have to answer the question, “Are you still working at (fill in the blank)_________ ?” That’s when the firee begins to stutter, the person's face turns red, the eyes look downward and embarrassment sets in, along with the feeling of being a failure while everyone else seems to be a winner.

Spiritual Factor: The most important spiritual factors within a church where an employee was fired, usually the minister or song leader are: Those upset with the church leaders may find another church home or the church may even split. Still others will lose respect for church leaders and some who stay may lose their spiritual fervor. Fired pastors may give up ministry altogether, as may any person who has been fired from any type of ministry. New or weak Christians in the church may drop out. And the children who are paying attention are upset and are drawing their own conclusions or are getting false information or hearing gossip. They remember it the rest of their lives if it was someone they liked. They often see the big picture whereas many grownups don't. 

Dismissing someone does not always edify the church. In fact, if the church is practicing Biblical principles, the leadership would avoid causing such destruction and pain in a person’s life. Yes, Christ wants the church to grow and the church leaders may feel the one fired is failing in that area, but does the end justify the means? Isn't it just as much the church leaders and members' responsibility to grow and nurture the church? Are they failing? Do the church leaders fall in the category of the Pharisees in the Bible who saw themselves as having no faults and refused to see truths?

How to Fire an Employee:

I realize there is another point of view, the view of the ones doing the firing. Some people do deserve to be fired. But when that must be done, every consequence should be carefully considered. Those who do the firing ought to consider the following suggestions before terminating someone:

The questions that should be asked are, “How would Jesus do it,” “What would He say?” and “Does firing the employee edify the church?”

Before acting, read I Corinthians 13, the love chapter, then examine yourself. Have you been patient with the employee? Have you kept a record of wrongs? Have you been easily angered or self-seeking? Read also Matthew 23 and make sure your actions and words do not mimic those of the Pharisees, who Jesus chastises.

 
Consider the verse from I Thessalonians 5:11 which says "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." Ask yourself, were you building the employee up? The message is meant for Christians but should extend past the church doors. We're not to be one way at church and another in the secular community.
Consider the employee’s circumstances and how much damage would be done to his or her life by your action.

 
Make every effort to work things out, if possible, the key word being “every.”
Assume the role of a humble servant. Do not have a “Big I, little u” mind-set.
Pray before you act, but know that praying doesn’t always make the action the Lord’s will. That person may be in that position by God's design for reasons unknown to people.
Don’t have a stance of “My mind is made up; don’t bother me with the facts.” Better yet, talk to the person about his or her actions and gather the facts before making up your mind to fire that person. Things aren't always as they appear.

 
If the employee is doing no work at times or if the employee is loud and/or hurts morale, consider I Thess. 5:14: "And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone." The Bible tells us just how to treat employees and bosses too. Criticism should not occur weeks or months after the infraction. It is better to not let anger build. It could be that a simple explanation gathered at the time of the incident will resolve the problem. Use straight talk when telling the employee why he or she is being fired.

If honest communication is not present from the beginning, the employee will be unable to perform effectively and their job loss may be inevitable. That would make superiors and/or co-workers as guilty of poor performance as the one being fired.

Consider that though constructive criticism hurts, it doesn’t hurt as badly as losing a job.

If pay cuts become necessary, they should be pro-rated among employees from the highest to the least on the pay scale. Needed funds should never be taken first from the pocket of “the little guy.”

Employees should not be treated rudely or made to feel unwanted so that they will leave on their own.

The amount at which the person is hired in should not be begrudged so much that some involved in the hiring do not agree with the new hiree's salary make it their mission to look for fault in the person. It is best that all involved in the hiring are on board. Otherwise there might be an internal "war." Don’t look for fault in the employee if you did not agree with the hiring of that person.

The employee should ask if everyone on the board was in agreement to his or her being hired and with the amount they would be paid. If not, give careful consideration to accepting the job because that one in opposition to a person being hired may look for his faults, real or imagined, or create alleged faults for that person in hopes of making him want to quit.

If a person is hired away from a previously good job, that person should not be let go from his new position when it is determined that his or her pay, or a portion of it, could be used elsewhere. Don't put the employee in a financially distressed situation, especially if the employee was hired out of a comfortable job. Shorting the power company or the utility department what is owed is never acceptable. What is owed an employee should never be shorted either. Behave justly. Don't oppress workers who are desperate for a job.

A fired employee should be assured that every effort will be made to find him or her another job. That promise should be followed up with action. Firing a person without helping the person find another job is comparable to the situation in James 2:16: " 'Go in peace, keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?" A person needs a job to provide for their physical needs and the needs of their family.

When giving a recommendation for the employee, assure the potential employer that the employee is highly recommended and that he or she has good work ethics, is easy to work with, and has impeccable moral character (if all are true). Every effort should be made to protect the employee’s work reputation. It is the law that no negative recommendation be given.

The employee should not be terminated, then forgotten. Church leaders/shepherds and all employers have a responsibility for the welfare of the ex-employee until that employee has a new position.

In a church situation, don’t say that because the ex-employee chose not to stay with the congregation, the leadership is no longer responsible for the person. Usually the firee does not stay because of the embarrassment, humiliation, rejection, emotional pain, and feelings of being unloved and unwanted. Love and concern should not cease, or your responsibilities.

Also in a church situation, fellow church members should be informed that the ex-employee was not immoral. When there is silence, the people in the congregation will come up with their own ideas or story/gossip as to why the person is no longer employed by the church, thus injuring the employee’s reputation. Still others will add fuel to the fire. It is wrong, but church people aren’t perfect.

Don’t ask the employee to resign to avoid having to answer questions from others about why the person was let go. For the person to say he resigned when he really wanted to stay is, in effect, a lie. If the employee chooses to resign knowing he isn't wanted there, that resignation isn't a lie but is the result of coersion. Purposely making the employee miserable at work so that he will leave is passive aggressive and does not portray Christian behavior and is unacceptable. If money is an issue, just say so.

If the employee has been accused of a major infraction, he or she has a right to meet the accuser and address any negative comments being made about him or her. Too many decisions are based on misunderstandings, misconceptions, half-truths, gossip, and even lies. Follow the principles of Matthew 18:15-16: "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'"

Ask yourself if you are trying to take the splinter out of the employee’s eye when you have a plank in your own eye. Do the ex-employee’s faults seem worse than yours?

Consider how you would want to be treated and what damage would be done to you and your family if your own job were on the chopping block.

Do not single out an employee simply because that employee is the least on the prestige or power scale, "the low man on the totem pole."

Final Thoughts Concerning the Church

The church is not a business any more than a family is a business. Church members and workers are family and should treat each other as such. Every effort should be made to work together in love and harmony, allowing for differences in personality types, strengths, weaknesses, energy levels, life experiences, spiritual maturity and opinions. The “divorce” of a person on the church payroll should be an option only in extreme cases such as ongoing immorality, preaching false doctrine, or defiant “dereliction of duty.” Consider that God Himself may have placed the person in that position for a reason, or as the book of Esther says "for such a time as this."

--Becky Wall
beckyowall.blogspot.com