MOM'S QUIPS & QUOTES

 

MOM’S QUIPS, QUOTES & WISECRACKS

(I didn’t want to forget her little sayings, so I wrote them down.)

I’m gonna kill two stones with one bird.

Pake your tick. (Take your pick.)

You zig and I’ll zag. (when about to bump into someone)

Would you like to say a few words before you speak?

Every silver lining has a cloud.

Why do things the easy way when you can do them the hard way?

Pull up a chair and sit in the floor.

If you worked as hard as you griped, you’d be done.

Anybody that believes that, stand on your head.

Aaaaah, shaddup.

“I’ll swan” “By cracky.” "For heaven's sake!"

There’s not enough room in here to change your mind.

There’s not enough room in here to cuss a cat without getting hair in your mouth.

When told to watch out for a puddle she said, “That’s alright. I can swim."

When someone accidentally stepped on Mom's foot and apologized, she would say “That’s alright. I walk on them myself.”

When Mom couldn’t get her words out right, she would say, “My tangue is tungled.

Dad was feverishly getting ready for a fishing trip one day. My brother, Casey, said, “Dad those fish will still be there when you get there to which Mom responded, “Yow, and they’ll still be there when you get back. (They were fishing competitors.)

When a bug splattered on the windshield, Mom said, “It took guts to do that. Then she said, “I bet he doesn’t have the guts to do it again.

Mom improvised the Hickory Dickory Dock rhyme to go:

"Hickory, dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other two got away with only minor injuries."

Another rhyme she butchered went: 

"T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house, was the smell of fresh meat; they were cooking a mouse."

I need some chips to wash my Coke down with.

Make yourself useless.

Oh, are you in my way? (said in the same tone of voice as if she were saying it the right way) The other person's response is always the same as if she had said it the right way because that's what they expected.

You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. (In other words, speak softly and lovingly.)

No one ever flies so high that they don't have to come down to earth to poop.

Mom and her 8 siblings used to sing this little ditty that they improvised:

"In the sweet by and by,

Gimme some pie.

We shall meet on that beautiful shore,

Gimme some more."

Big "I", little "u."

You'd better be careful crossing the street or you will just be a greasy spot on the road.

Mom's diet: Eat anything you want; just don't swallow.

When someone would get excited over a sale price, Mom would say "Well, you can't beat that with a stick."

Varicose veins became "very close veins."

Simmer down!

We're going to be up poo poo creek without a paddle.

Come in and make yourself homeless.

That's so ugly it's cute.

Butterscotch pie was Scutterbotch pie.