MORE THAN 50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER

Note: Since I am female, this was written from a woman's perspective. 

You've heard of the song, "There Must Be 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover." Well, if you really want to get rid of your girlfriend or wife, guys, here's more than 50 ways to do it, but none is in the song and you won't have to leave; she will.

1. Crack jokes at her expense.
2. Make sure she walks behind you.
3. Talk over her when she states her point of view.
4. Don't offer her any encouragement in her endeavors.
5. Don't be on the same spiritual plane with her.
6. Be clingy; smother her by not giving her her space.
7. Expect her to cook for you though you're not married.
8. Bully her.
9. Belittle her.
10. Call her demeaning names.
11. Make her feel like less of a person than you.
12. Always point out her faults. Look for them.
13. Control her. Tell her where she can and can't go, what she can do, what to think, how she should act, when she can talk and to whom.
14. Never buy her gifts on her birthday, Valentine's Day or at Christmas. Remind her on Mother's Day that she's not your mother. Let her know how unappreciative she is of the cleaning product you bought her months before.
15. Drive your vehicle in a way that she is constantly afraid when riding with you.
16. Make her take her car everywhere so as to save yourself gas and wear and tear on your car.
17. Twist her words; make something out of much of what she says.
18. Don't be concerned with her comfort or safety.
19. Spend as little as possible on her so you can spend all you can on yourself.
20. Always think of yourself first.
21. Use her in any way you can to benefit yourself.
22. Make her pay for her own way -- and yours if you can get by with it.
23. If she doesn't give you your way, guilt her, goad her, overpower her, smooth-talk her -- whatever it takes.
24. Make fun of her friends and family and anyone else that might get you a laugh.
25. Never think of others or do things in a way that might better other people's lives.
26. Don't bother being courteous. It's old-fashioned.
27. Have no tolerance for children.
28. Flirt with other women.
29. Have an affair. Leaving is a piece of cake then. It might not be the way you planned, though.
30. Take on an addiction: drinking, gambling, pornography, etc.
31. Don't bother with hygiene. It's manly to stink.
32. Run up debts that will be impossible to pay. Live beyond your means.
33. Be a miser. Begrudge every penny you spend on her and the kids, if you have any.
34. If you are married, let your wife raise the kids. 
35. If you are married, don't help with anything around the house.
36. Lose your temper over every little thing and curse alot.
37. Keep your girl confused and guessing about what's really going on in your life. Live a double life.
38. Lie.
39. Be deceitful.
40. Have no trust in her.
41. Don't take her anywhere special.
42. Don't make time for her.
43. Withhold affection.
44. Embarrass her often.
45. Shame her over every little thing.
46. Make her feel stupid.
47. Don't compliment her.
48. If you are married, don't worry about her health if she needs to go to the doctor because doctors are just in it for the money anyway and you don't want to give them any of yours.
49. Gripe every time you have to do something for her.
50. Make her fear you.
51. Make her feel like everything she does is wrong.
52. Put your fun activities or hobbies ahead of her.
53. If you are married, let her bring home the bacon, then go golfing or fishing or hunting.
54. If you're not happy, make sure she's not happy either.
55. Tell her how to dress to suit you, even when she is dressed modestly.
56. Never comfort her. Tell her she's just using her tears to win an argument.
57. Never say good things about her to other people. Just focus on building yourself up.
58. Don't say "Hello" or "Good-bye" when you come and go and certainly don't plant a kiss on her when coming and going.
59. Don't communicate with her. 
60. Walk away when there's an unresolved problem, change the subject, or make a joke about it.
61. Don't let her build any confidence in herself. If she starts to, tear her down quickly.
62. When she gets a chance to better herself, sabotage it. 
63. Tell her she's fat and/or ugly.
64. Separate her from her family any way you can.

You may be free of her a whole lot sooner than you anticipated. As another song goes, "You don't know what you've got until you lose it."

Becky Overturf Wall