HOW TO TREAT ME IF I GET DEMENTIA OR ALZHEIMER'S
Alzheimer's runs thick on Mom's side of the family so we six offspring worry that we will get it too. Now our kids are starting to worry. Just in case I do get it, I would like to make my loved ones aware of my wishes as to how I am treated.
- I'm not crazy about going to a nursing home because of the odor and the bad food. On the other hand I don't want to be a burden to my kids and their kids and their kids. I trust my kids to make the right decision in view of the circumstances they are having to deal with.
- Please don't talk to me like I'm two years old. It wouldn't please me.
- Please don't take me out to eat. I would embarrass myself and others at the table and even at other tables. I remember my grandma eating the tulips decorating the table. I would prefer to have food carried into my place where I am comfortable and wouldn't have to "dress up." The food isn't what's important. It's the company.
- If you can carry a tune, sing to me. If you can't carry a tune, read the Bible to me. You can even read some of my poems to me and see if I recognize them.
- Expect me to pick up things that aren't mine and put them in my pocket. Mom picked up some batteries at Walmart and put them in her pocket. She didn't do it because she's a thief. She did it because she no longer knew better.
- I shouldn't be cooking, even with a toaster oven, air fryer or microwave.
- I should no longer have the keys to the car once you realize I no longer always know where I'm going or how to get there. Mom was able to get ahold of her car keys with their rubber Donald Duck keyring attached and took off in the car. She made it home but it could have turned out badly.
- Mom was in the back yard with Dad while he picked grapes one time and she wandered off while he had his back turned. He panicked when he turned around and saw she was gone. I was called to help look for her. I first drove to the house in which we first lived when we moved to Mt. Vernon, which was in the next block. She was "talking" to a little old lady out front. The lady knew enough to keep her occupied until she was found. It can happen so fast and our first response was to panic. But keep your wits about you and think about what would be familiar to me if I should wander off or drive off.
- Make copies of family pictures and let me go through them to pass the time and to help my brain.
- If I don't want to eat my mashed potatoes, mix some peas in with them. I like them that way. Improvise when it comes to eating. Be creative like a mother has to when her kids are very young. No airplanes or childish games, though. I cut my kids' lunch meat and cheese slices into shapes with a Tupperware item. They wouldn't otherwise eat them. That would be acceptable. It is more creative and less babyish.
- Since I am living out my last days/months/years, don't be too strict about how much I eat or what I eat or how much sleep I get. My quality of life is more important. Choose our battles.
- Please don't take it personally if I say hurtful things because it won't be intentional or true. I watched family members and friends get permanently scarred because of things said to them by a parent with Alzheimer's.
- If I cuss, just know it isn't going to feel or sound familiar to me so hopefully I won't be quick to do that. I would be mortified if I knew what I was doing. I wonder if I would spell-cuss. My kids laugh at me because if I repeat a cuss word somebody used while I'm telling a story, I won't say the word; I spell-cuss. That's what comes automatic.
- If I am in a really bad way, don't let the young ones see me that way or even the ones who cannot handle it. There is always both responses within a family dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer's.
- Limit the amount of stress you endure because prolonged stress will affect your health. Those ailments that have been lying dormant within your system will rear their ugly heads. I don't want that for anyone in my family. What I have to endure in my last days is part of the dying process and won't last long compared to eternity. My offspring will have many days yet to live and I don't want them living it in pain or suffering.
- If I am moving slowly, don't try to hurry me along by slowly pushing me. Get in front of me and reach out your hand.
- If I end up with Alzheimer’s and then get a life threatening disease, do not treat the disease; let me go. Let nature take its course. Do anything to make my life with Alzheimer’s as short as possible within the law. The same is true if I get dementia.
#oldage #oldtimersdisease #forgetful #caretakerstress runawayparent caretakerlimitations
