From the Highest Court in the Universe,

The State of Misery

County of Mocksaints

The Person of God
Vs.
Christian A. Crook


In re: The Offense of Theft

CHRISTIAN A. CROOK, of 666 Notsogrand Street, County of Mocksaints, the State of Misery, on this 13th day of August, the year of my Son, 2013, is hereby charged in the Court of God with the offense of theft.

For this indictment he will stand in final judgment before the Court of Christ on the Day of Reckoning. He will not under any circumstance, save repentance and willing retribution, be found blameless for this offense.

Count 1 - Let it be known that Christian A. Crook is not charged with reaching into the offering plate and taking the money for his own, but instead became guilty when he did with full knowledge withhold much of the riches God gave him — in fact that part which was God’s.

Count 2 - By his offense, and the added offenses of many others, the church as a building and as a people have suffered. Missions have also suffered. Christian A. Crook’s offense, and those of his cohorts, are directly attributable to the church’s weakened condition.

Count 3 - Because of Christian A. Crook’s actions, the church endured mockery and disrespect from non-Christian witnesses. Crook’s actions caused the church to be thought of as having no God or whose God was inadequate, further creating a hostile attitude toward the church.

Therefore, partial punishment is now being rendered for this and the like offenses of others, being made known through the curses that have fallen on the nation, such as catastrophes and plagues.

But if you, Christian A. Crook, and your cohorts, will make retribution to my church, which is the storehouse of my offerings, I will once again open my floodgates and pour our blessings instead of curses. All the people will then believe that you are blessed and you will live in a delightful land.

Signed by the hand of GOD


Witnesses:
Jesus Reference: Malachi 3:6-13
Holy Spirit