DIVORCE, AS I UNDERSTAND IT

 

DIVORCE, AS I UNDERSTAND IT

I misunderstood about God's full and complete attitude toward divorce until I lived it and until I read Malachi 2-3 and learned in Jeremiah 3:8 that even God divorced. I hung on for 30 years in my marriage thinking I had no excuse for divorce. In fact, I had one all along.

First of all, divorce is not the only sin. While you are in a toxic marriage, all of these other sins are piling up: hate, rage, putting oneself first and only, turmoil, disharmony, arrogance, neglect, emotional abuse, etc.

Malachi calls emotional abuse a cloak of violence. It is not where blows are thrown. It is what we now call passive aggression. The spouse is hurt in a deeper way than from thrown fists. Malachi refers to the man as the aggressor and says he covers who he really is with a cloak when he is really a man of violence -- passive violence. Malachi 2:16 KJV – “For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith … “for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts: therefore, take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.” He does violence to the one he should protect. (Malachi 2:16) God hates divorce because He wants godly children (Malachi 2:15) and He is robbed of them through divorce.

Daily emotional abuse affects the victim’s health. The body is a temple, God’s temple. It is considered sacred and is to be protected and cared for. If it isn’t, all kinds of diseases and ailments arise – one right after the other. The temple begins to decay, even die. Some ailments can be treated, some not.

This is not what God intended for His children. He is the author of peace and love. He believes in putting the other’s needs first and in self-sacrifice. He believes in generosity, kindness and patience. Add to that honesty, trust, and respect. The big “D” sin if elevated to the worst one while all these other sins are piling up. To my mind, it is straining at a gnat but swallowing a camel. There is so much more to consider about divorce than what we are being told at church. We need to study the issue at home in depth.

Jeremiah 3:8-10 tells how God divorced Judah for her adulteries. Were the adulteries physical? Of course not; they were in the form of passive violence and the ultimate betrayal against God. He was betrayed, dishonored, neglected and disobeyed. He offered forgiveness upon repentance, but that is another day's discussion when it comes to the emotionally beaten-down spouse. My final thought: There is more depth in the Bible about the subject of divorce. We just have to uncover it. In the meantime, choose your words of advice carefully. A person’s health or even their life may be at stake.

And don't ever think that you are no longer useful to the church or that your sin is bigger than anyone else's. Let God guide your life and you will be fine, even if, like in my case, He guided me right out of the marriage. I'm convinced of that but it took me a while to believe it.